A Strange Obsession
by Fareetauhl
Summary: Mard Greer is fed up with the strange obsession everyone seems to have with his wife. This couldn't continue, not if he had anything to do about it.


**AN: So I didn't have time to post and think of an idea for Midlu week, but I may do one later, even if it's over. But anyways, here's something I thought of while thinking about the prompt for Day 1, and also just reading about the "battle" with Brandish in the manga. Why does this kind of stuff always seem to happen to Lucy?**

Mard stared.

Once again, this odd, blue furred creature had launched himself at _his_ wife.

And landed straight between her breasts.

And his wife just shrugged it off as if it was nothing?

This was definitely _not_ nothing.

He had seen it happen time and time again. Whenever Lucy had gotten back from a long mission without the _abomination_ , or when Lucy had almost died (much to Mard's shock, this actually occurred quite often. In fact, it was very worrying. Had he not been, well _, immortal_ , he surely would have died of a heart attack by now), or even after something as trivial as running out of _fish_.

There was definitely something wrong with the creature.

Granted, the valley between his wife's breasts was comfortable, _but it was a restricted area_. Mard was not going to let anyone, human or cat, enter that sacred area. Lucy had decided to marry _him_ , and therefore he alone had the right to access it.

And no, despite what everyone else thought, he did not constantly sob into her chest like that dreaded furball did. (Curse Jackal for even implanting that idea into the demoness barmaid's head. She had gone into a fit and soon after, almost everyone at the bar had found out. If she wasn't able to take over Sayla…)

But it wasn't just the blue monstrosity.

It was _everyone_.

Gray had ogled his wife's naked body once at a hot spring, and even attempted to strip in her body. The Blue Pegasus archive mage and her own spirit had been stunned by her chest as well. Cana appeared to have a never-ending fascination with Lucy's breasts, and worst of all, Natsu, the one everyone had thought was the most oblivious, had even _groped_ her chest once as well.

It was about time someone put a stop to this.

And Mard was determined to be that someone.

So he gathered up all of Fairy Tail (why were most of the offenders from his own wife's guild? Weren't they supposed to be her family?)and miraculously, managed to get them all to shut up _, finally_.

"So," Mard began, as he glared at them, silently daring them to begin fighting again. "It has come to my attention that _some_ of you have an unhealthy obsession with my wife's breasts. And I am here to tell you that from here on, none of you should even dare to attempt it again. Is that clear?"

There was instant uproar.

"Waaaaah! But Lushy's chest is so comfy! There's no better place to be, other than her bed!"

"You can't stop us from comparing sizes!"

"Gray-sama, have you been touching Love-Rival's breasts? How could you betray Juvia in such a way?!"

"Aww, it's ok buddy! Mard's just being an ass. You can hide in Luce's breasts any time you want."

"Gray, control your girlfriend man, she's flooding the guild!"

"For the last time, she's not my freaking girlfriend!"

Mard sighed as the silence erupted into typical Fairy Tail chaos. He should have known better than to attempt to have a reasonable conversation with these hooligans. He was better off attempting to convince his wife, once again, that it was _not_ okay for her guild to make random passes at her breasts. One day, he hoped, she would stop laughing long enough for him to finish his point. One day...

Omake:

Mard frowned as he looked over some of the old security footage of the Cube (of course they had a security system, they weren't _barbarians_ )that the chairman had managed to preserve. He squinted closer at the image of Lamy holding Lucy captive while Jackal laughed mockingly. Was that _Lamy_? Groping Lucy's breasts?

Mard slumped over his chair and collapsed. _It was over_. Even within his own guild, people were still fascinated with his wife's chest. Were they everywhere? Would his wife ever be safe? Could he ever even begin to protect her from all of these frankly _perverted_ intruders?

(Jackal paused as he spotted his leader slumped over and convulsing on the floor as he muttered to himself, "Mine…Mine...". It appeared he had finally gone off the deep end. He continued to stare for another minute, then shrugged and began searching for a black marker. In this state, he would probably be able to get quite the work of art drawn on his face before Mard noticed and exploded at him. Or, more accurately, Jackal exploded. Because he definitely wasn't going to stick around after Mard discovered what he had done.)

 **AN: I think I'm finally getting more comfortable with this ship. Anyways, review and tell me what you think! This actually turned out longer than I thought; I'm actually a bit behind on homework now. So I'm going to end this quickly by saying if you have any ideas or thoughts, please let me know, because I love hearing what you guys think!**

 **-Fareetauhl**


End file.
